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Showing posts from January, 2021

And then she was seven

My beautiful wee girl. I can still remember holding you when you where born -how little you were. Today you are tall and strong, in that wonder space between little kid and pre-teen.  One moment you are rolling your eyes and being sassy, the next you are seeking cuddles and asking to sleep in our bed ("Just one last time, you are getting too old" we say but we all know that it wont be the last time and we are all okay with that) You have a wonderful imagination, creating stories and characters and making me smile with how vivid they are. You still passionately believe in Sparkle the fairy, who started out as the tooth fairy but is now a bigger part of your colourful world. I hope you are not too cross when you find out it is me who writes the notes. It is just that it has given me so much joy sharing this magic with you, just like my Mum did with me. You are cautious my girl, nervous about new things, especially anything physical. But as we have seen before, it will all come ...

Find joy in each day

Christmas and New Years have passed and I survived. I loved seeing my family and tried my best to hold things together. The physical pain I have in my hips and pelvis is getting worse, making it hard to sit and stand, and even lie on one side. I need to go to the doctor to work out why it is back. I last had it when I was pregnant, I guess the extra weight I'm carrying is impacting things. Next stop is Grace's birthday. I need to work hard at focusing on Grace and her joy. Its do hard when I feel so low and I get grumpy and focus on little things like mess. Will work hard at that this year, Grace deserves a Mum who spreads joy, not fear. Very happy Tui is back home, she is very smoothie and cuddly.  I need to be strong in 2021 and not be controlled by my anxious mind. I waste days in this state and time is fleeting and I hate speeding so much of it in a place of fear.

Anxiety (a poem)

My anxiety is a cube Sitting heavy in my stomach Its rough edges push against my insides Uncomfortable and unyielding My anxiety is a stormy sea Turbulent and dark Churning my brain  And making me crave calm waters My anxiety lies It tells stories filled with fear It paints images of doom and heartbreak Causing me to hide I am a warrior, fighting each day Determined to see through the clouds To see all the good in my life offers And thrive