A Work In Progress

1. Three cubic metres of bark is a very large pile  2. I have a very boring weekend ahead  3. I am going to be very sore on Monday  4. I hate my garden, and all gardens to be fair

I take most of my medicaion at night but there is one set I take in the morning. The hard part is remembering. While I have an alarm, the nature of lockdown and change of routine means I have missed a couple of mornings, and about four days later I pay the price. Back comes the panic and the stress. The good news is I am getting better at workign through the gut reactions, sense checking them and resetting, but it does take energy. This weekend I had a win. I asked Grace to write a Christmas/Birthday list. While I tried to limit her to three websites(that I knew I could buy from) - she of course when off book and started googling. She discovered some Lego that she really wants - but it stopped being made in 2015!! So onto Trademe and into the world of preloved Lego - and amazingly I had success. Picked it up this weekend, the owner had made up the kit (to prove all the pieces were there) so when I got home I unassembled it (diaster for my nails!!)and sepearated it into bags so that ...

Gosh my anxiety happens in such off waves - hitting full panic at the momentand trying to calm as I navigate through meetings. This time of year always triggers me, Christmas is hard. Made worse with lockdown I guess. So much fear - some grounded in fact, other due to the storytellign in my head. Just gotta breathe and work through it - goign to go for a drive with Grace to get out of my head and into the world.

It is so strange to be housebound for three months. There have been ups and downs, calm and anxiety, hope and panic. But I'm doing okay, pacing myself, trying to sound upbeat so I can feel upbeat. Some days I just want to hide, to sleep. Other days I feel okay and in control. As you stay in your bubble for longer and longer, the world gets scary and freedom actually feels worse then lock down! Anyway, lots to be grateful for, still working, house warm and safe, loved and have people to love.  It's going to be okay.