A Work In Progress

and your mum says you are too small to play on the X box. So instead you have to sit quietly and watch your cousins as they squeal and giggle and have fun. Sooooo sad. It is a very tough life being four months old.

Why is there no sick leave for mums? When you are feeling yuck, and all you want to do is sleep, surely you could apply to your boss (aka baby) to take a day of sick leave? I asked my boss for the day off. She was unimpressed and declined the request. Sigh. She is a tough boss.

So Chad came home from a weekend watching the v8 races and he bought presents!! Gracie looks adorable in her pit crew gear. I suspect there will be a family outing to the racing in a couple of years time.

While Chad is doing a boy thing and watching the v8s, Grace and I partnered up with her God Mother plus two dogs for a bit of an adventure. Gracie was a good girl although she did throw up in the pool at the dog aqua therapy place....ooops. ..hope their filter was working. Day polished off with watching a spectacularly bad movie called "The Happening". I recommend it for the unintentional humor value.

It's 2am. Cat number one is coughing up a fur ball. Dog wants to be let out. Baby is crying. Cat number two wants food (even though the bowl is full). Partner is helpfully rocking bassinet (although baby was removed 5 min ago....bless him he's half asleep) Good morning!

One baby who used to sleep from 7pm to 5am.  Been replaced by one that wakes at 1am. I want the other baby back!!!!!

I was privileged enough to grow up with three of my grandparents.  My mum's mum and dad were in my life well into my thirties. They were a constant and seemingly ageless presence in my life and I miss them. I know they got to see me grow up and I know how proud they were of me. But I have some regret that they never saw me marry or have children.  To be fair, I didn't think that would happen for myself!! But my lovely Granny had faith. She knitted me a beautiful layette for my future child.  And now my baby girl is wearing them. Oh Granny, you would love Grace.  She has your sparkly blue eyes and Grandpa's quiet contemplative demeanor.  I know you are looking down at us and smiling.  And I love you very much.

It's been a great Easter weekend so far. Lots of laughter, good food, cuddles in front of a warm fire, and walks in the cool crisp air. And of course, because of the heavy rain, lots of fun taking selfies. Love, love, love my family.

Grace has a strained relationship with socks. She loves the warmth of them but then kicks them off within a couple of minutes of me putting them on. My solution, well, it's not very stylish but the damn socks will hopefully stay on.

Grace and I are no good at Mondays. We struggle to get our day going.  As a result, its almost 9am Grace is still in her pjs, I'm dressed but not showered and no make up, I am trying to feed her and me, kitchen a mess, bedroom a mess. Mondays are not our friend.

Just had vegetarian sausages for dinner. I don't see becoming a vegetarian in my future.

Today we had a baby sleep specialist come to coffee group. Yep, such a profession does exist and when you can't get you baby to self settle to sleep you have to resist the urge to kiss their feet in reverence when you meet them. She had some great things to say, including highlighting some bad habits to avoid. Of course these are all the things we are doing. Sigh. I'm going to give some of her suggestions a go. It will not be easy to change but I owe it to Gracie to help her to get better habits. Wish me luck!!

Best present EVER.

House cleaned, some washing done, nappies changed, baby cuddled. Good day. Time goes past so quickly, it's important I stop and remember these times. That's one of the reasons I write this blog, not only does it help me vent and see the funny side of things, but it also helps record these precious times as they are so fleeting. Grace continues to grow fast. Everyday she changes. This week she is reaching for toys where as last week she only just looked at them and waved her arms. She chats with me, cooing and smiling. I adore those chats. She still sleeps in our room, not sure when to move her to her room, it seems so far from me!! I love taking my girl out, makes me feel like a real Mum and I'm proud of how beautiful my girl is, I love showing her off. I'm learning to let go a bit more and trust other people to look after her. I make jokes that it a relief to get away, but really, I ache for her when I'm not by her side. I know her face, her body, her cry. I know w...

As I drive, I look back and check that Grace is okay. Sometimes she isn't.

Photo time with coffee group. Very funny to watch as one by one the babies lost their minds. It was this loud chain reaction. Not sure we got any photos where everyone was happy.

We have five pillows on our bed. Three are thick pillows. Two are thin pillows. Within each group (thick vs thin) I can't tell the difference. But Chad can. As a result, a nightly pillow fight occurs. When I make the bed, I just put the pillows across the top of the bed indiscriminately. unfortunately this means Chad goes through testing each pillow to make sure he gets the "right" pillow combination to sleep on. Murphy's Law means I usually end up with "his" pillows and so find they are unceremoniously grabbed from under my resting head and a replacement pillow thrown over my head.

How does my baby get dirt under her fingernails? Is she digging an escape tunnel that I don't know about? Does she go out at night and do some light gardening? It's all very confusing.

I really need a nap. I'm freaking knackered. I know it's boring when parents say how tired they are. Sorry. But I really am. We went for a lovely walk this morning but for some reason it's just taken it out of me. I'm lying on the couch trying to get the energy to get on with my to do list. But sleep would be nice. So very, very nice.

Chad and I had been together 14 months when Grace was born. Not a long time and I guess some people could say, we were still in the honey moon phase of our relationship. Adding a baby to the mix was never going to be easy and I know most people seemed a bit shocked when we told them we were expecting. It used to make me laugh as I could see people were dying to ask if it was planned, but anyone who knows me at all knows that I don't make big decisions lightly and ALWAYS plan. I knew when we decided to have a baby that we would be tested. Lack of sleep, being overwhelmed, can bring you closer or push you apart. I guess I thought long and hard and realised that I really felt Chad was the right man to go on this scary adventure with. And every day I'm proven right. Chad is an active father, participating in every aspect of child raising. He is also, in equal measures, a caring partner, constantly thinking about my well being and happiness. Yes we argue, yes we have different views...

So today Grace and I had lunch with my Mum and Dad. Mum said to me "You know that over powering feeling of love and the desire to protect Grace that you have." "Oh yes" I replied. "Stays with you even when your baby is 40." God I love my parents. Both as a loving and supporting Mum and Dad and as two cool people who I really enjoy spending time with.

Tonight I had my haircut and coloured at a new place, recommended by my sister. It was awesome and Mandy @ Soma in Howick did a great job. We chatted about kids and I was horrified to learn that kids are starting to have sex at 14, 14!!!!! God almighty, really?!?!? I'm freaking out, 14 is soooo young. Will it be 12 by the time Grace grows up?!?! How do you start that conversation with them about choices, responsibility and being safe?? How do you guide a kid not to be pressured into something they are not emotionally ready for?????? I'm learning that parenthood is one scary scenario after another. On the plus side, my hair looks spectacular, so lets focus on that right now.

So Grace and I muddle through the day, sleeping, eating, playing as the mood takes us. It seems to work for us but I wouldn't call it a routine. I've noticed in my coffee group that the other families are a bit more structured, including having a set bed time plan and a clear awareness of feed and sleep times. I'm kinda feeling like the naughty kid in class, which is sooooo weird for me as I'm normally the super geek. Part of me thinks maybe I need to get more structured, be more rigorous with times and especially bed time. But the other side of me is okay with this more fluid approach. Grace seems to be doing okay and most days, so am I. Who knew this whole Mum stuff would be layered with guilt and confusion!!! Mind you, there are probably a million ways I'll mess Grace up as she grows, so I imagine that missing a bath and not having a scheduled story time will ultimately pale in comparison.

After a minor medical procedure last week went slightly septic, I'm feeling a bit gross. Add to that Grace is still battling her own illness and we have a bit of a grumpy house at the moment. I also made the mistake of standing on the scales, although to be fair, they didn't reveal anything the mirror already hadn't. Sigh. I tell myself each morning I'll get my shit together and get stuff done. Whether it is keeping  on top of chores, exercising, or doing more developmental play with Grace. I then end the day realising I've done so little and yet I'm shattered from doing it. Some days, that gets me down. Grace is now three months old and I have no idea where the time went. I know that I need to get my focus back in looking after myself, getting more motivated to exercise, which in turn will give me more energy to get more stuff done. It will also make me like myself a bit more. New day tomorrow, coffee group, doctor (again) and family walk. Focus on the little s...