A Work In Progress

Some milk spots, but still cute.

I stubbed my toe twice on a chair today. It really hurt. So I go to my beloved, seeking sympathy. "Check out my toe, I think I broke it, or at least badly bruised it." "Which toe?" He asks. "The fat one." "Soooooo...which toe?" He sees look on my face. "Ummm, I think Cheerio toes are really sexy!!" Smooth Chad, really smooth. Update: I just kicked the chair for the THIRD time. To his credit, Chad did not laugh until after I had stopped swearing, leaping round, crying and howling in pain. And then he simply asked how the hell I kicked a chair three times in one day. Fair question.

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, definition of stupidity, right? So I've now put a dummy back in my childs mouth about thirty times......and she keeps spitting it out and then crying cause she spit it out, then stopping crying when it is back in, only to spit it out again. Truly not sure who is more stupid but I'll give Grace the benefit of the doubt on this one......after all I've got 38 years on her, so probably should have learnt more from my experiences.

Yeah right. Mum and Dad are tired as someone keeps waking them up. But she is eating heaps, and that is awesome.

Mind is officially blown. Curses to my team at work who gave me these bibs knowing full well that they would mess with my OCD tendencies

Bit weary this morning after much awake time last night. Grace and I thought the best solution was a cuddle.

So happy. Been expressing today and giving Gracie the big feeds she has been needing (and not getting). The result: poo!! Glorious poo!!! Truly have never been this happy to see poo in all my life. Wow, not a sentence I predicted I would ever write. So this is what parenting of a newborn comes down to...poo monitoring and regular milking and then reporting on said events assuming everyone else in the universe cares as much as you do. I promise I'll get more interesting soon........

Well young lady, today is your due date. But like your Mum, you wanted to be early. I must admit, I have loved having you here these last three weeks, as I was getting so impatient to meet you!! Your Dad and I are enjoying getting to know you, your coos, cries and ways of expressing your needs. I'm sorry we don't always understand what you are trying to say, but please be patient with us as we learn to listen. You are such a joy in our lives and we are so committed to showing you all the opportunities this big beautiful world holds for you. Love you baby girl.

Looks a little bit shell shocked doesn't she? She had been interrupted mid feed. Sorry Gracie!!

There was always going to be times on this motherhood journey where I felt inadequate. At the moment, those feelings are centred around not being able to feed my baby. Grace lost more than a desirable amount of weight when she was born and we have been playing catch up ever since. Unfortunately we are not catching up. It creates feelings of failure  and frustration in me. I'm producing milk but she is struggling to get what she needs. As a result I'm having to express and top up her feeds with breast milk from a bottle. I had been doing that one feed a day but doctor has now asked I do every feed. So I feed every three hours and then give her a bottle and then express ready for the next feed. We may have to add formula but will see if a week of this routine gets her back on track. Logically, I know that this baby raising business is never smooth sailing. I know that the ability to breast feed does not define whether I am a good Mum. But it is amazing how emotionally I still ...

Still adorable. I know I'm just a tiny bit bias but seriously, could she be any cuter? Nope, she couldn't. Cuteness is off the scale.

It concerns me how much I now care about someone else's poo. It concerns me that I monitor output and google to check if it is line with the norm. I also have an app on my phone which I can (and do) produce graphs with. I do take comfort in the fact that I intend on using this information at my child's 21st birthday, including the graphs, because I'm going to be that kind of Mum.

Happy. So very happy.

Was only to local supermarket, but still!! Also, push chair is awesome. Really hard not to make broom broom noises as we walked around the store.

Lack of sleep can make things hard, but being able to laugh as your child simultaneously farts and hiccups is awesome. We attempted to leave the house yesterday but the mission was aborted when baby slept and Mum and Dad thought they would have a "quick lie down" until she woke.  Two hours later......... Sigh. Todays photo is from mid labour. Chad is awesome.

Grace has now met all three of her grandparents. I know I had the privilege of knowing three of mine, and I am forever grateful for the influence they played in my life. Grandparents see the world differently to parents. And that helps a child see that there are different ways to do things. Grandparents also keep parents sane, providing reassurance that things will be okay. I love seeing my Mum and Dad in their role of grandparents, I love that they are going to influence Grace as she grows. I'm also so thankful for their support as we navigate this incredible journey. And to my Mum,  thank you for being there for me. Over the years you have supported me so much and kept my dreams alive that a family was in my future. And now my girl is here and you are right with me, whether it's to reassure me that I'm doing okay or with practical help. Thank you Mum. I see how being a Mum never ends, even when your baby girl is 38. I love you so much.

Well we are home and starting to work through the new rhythm to life. Very aware that Christmas tree is still up but I figure I have an excuse. As we are still in catch up mode, I still had not washed a lot of the new clothes Grace has received. My washing line now looks very different to the 90% black clothing that it normally holds. Am also getting used to bring a milking machine and navigating the vast quantities of poo that seem to be produced. Note to my friends, if I don't answer the phone it is likely due to some poo related event. Grace's poo, not mine, in case you were wondering.

I need to take time to thank everyone for their love and support. It is valued, and much needed. But there one person I need to thank over and above. That person is you Chad. I could not have gotten through these last few days without you. Listening to your supportive words and touch during labour, watching you as our daughter arrived, seeing you hold her. The last few days you have been so encouraging, so full of praise, so keen to get involved, so good at being a Dad!! It has been a blessing having you stay at Birthcare with me. I know there has been so much to deal with, and sometimes I forget that the change for you is as big as it is for me. And you are coping magnificently. Thank you for everything.

Grace 1. First pee. 2. First poo. Catherine 1. Cleaned up 1. and 2. on Grace's list. It's important to record the milestones.

Today I gave birth to a baby girl. I'm lying with her next to my skin, listening to her breathe. I am happy, scared, overwhelmed, smitten, hopeful and excited. I am a Mum. No matter what happens in the world, I will always be her Mum. I will love her, protect her and cherish her. I won't always get things right, but I will always do my best. Welcome Grace. You have been a wish in my heart for years, in my body for 37 weeks, and now in my arms for as long as I have strength to hold you.

Walked into the kitchen and discovered this hanging on the wall. Mental note: Chad not to be put in charge of decorating. Ever. Mental note two: Child likely to be bought Holden outfits. Be prepared for this. And to all of those who think I would take it down, surprise, I'm leaving it there. Poor boy is about to be out numbered by girls, he needs his boy stuff.

I got honours with that degree. I have a high IQ. I can solve complex mathematical problems. But I can't put a f#@king baby car seat in a car.