There was always going to be times on this motherhood journey where I felt inadequate. At the moment, those feelings are centred around not being able to feed my baby.
Grace lost more than a desirable amount of weight when she was born and we have been playing catch up ever since. Unfortunately we are not catching up. It creates feelings of failure and frustration in me. I'm producing milk but she is struggling to get what she needs. As a result I'm having to express and top up her feeds with breast milk from a bottle. I had been doing that one feed a day but doctor has now asked I do every feed.
So I feed every three hours and then give her a bottle and then express ready for the next feed. We may have to add formula but will see if a week of this routine gets her back on track.
Logically, I know that this baby raising business is never smooth sailing. I know that the ability to breast feed does not define whether I am a good Mum. But it is amazing how emotionally I still feel a bit sad.
I know the advice I would give other women, that the focus is on a healthy baby and whether she is breast or bottle fed is not important. That I should be gentle on myself. That it's important at these times to keep perspective, and know that the fact I worry about my girl and am doing what I can to help her makes me a good Mum.
Time to listen to my own wise words. I think it will all come right in the end and soon I'll have a chubby baby who guzzles food as quickly as her Mum does.
