Been a few hours now and had time to process. Was such a shock to find him - took me completely by surprise and the grief was crushing. The hard part is that he did not come in last night and I did not search for him as he normally comes in, but you wonder if I had, could I have saved him. But there is no point thinking about those things as I can't change the past. I remember feeling the same way when my first cat Sputnick went missing and later was told he had died. You just feel at fault when really you probably could not have stopped it.
I know Twinkle knew he was adored and I know he lived a wonderful, pampered life. I will focus on the positive fun memories that I have and give his brother big cuddles so he knows he is loved.
I guess it has been such a hard year with Mum and with work that this feels a bit overwhelming. But I am strong and I am loved and I will be okay. I just hurt right now and feel a bit alone.
So cheers to Twinkle aka Twinkle Bell aka Bella aka No Legs. Hope you are hanging out in a wonderful corner of heaven and know that I will always carry you in my heart.