Ask anyone, (including me) and they will tell you I'm a princess when it comes to dealing with pain.
One of the hardest thing I have had to deal with during this pregnancy is the pelvis pain I have had. It means I can't walk without pain, and the pain gets worse if I try to push through it. As baby has got bigger, I now struggle to sit for any length of time, and if I lie down, it is hard to find a position that eases the pain.
In short, moving hurts, being still hurts.
I am struggling with this, on a couple of levels. Firstly, and most obviously, it hurts. The deeper level is that I feel helpless and useless. Part of me tries to keep going, but when I do that, I end up in agony. If I rest, I feel like I'm giving up.
Tomorrow for example, after I drop the dog at the groomers, I'm going to the mall till he's done to make a start on Christmas shopping. But here is the thing, I can no longer wander round a mall. So I have to plan exactly which shops to go to and will probably only be able to be on my feet for an hour before the pain gets too much. Even then, I'll suffer that night. It's pathetic!!!
I'm not a brave person, I whinge, I whine, I say very bad words when the pain hits. I know this. This prolonged and relentless pain is something I have not had before. It's testing me physically and mentally. Some days I think it is winning.
I know I need to be a bit gentler on myself and try to not beat myself up when I'm bed bound. Equally I know I need to toughen up and work through the pain. It's a delicate balancing act.
At the end of all this, a wonderful little girl awaits, who I already love so much. She makes getting through this worth it. She makes me want to be strong and I will be as strong as I can.
But I hope she is blocking her ears when her Mum yells out "My ---- hurts like a ------ ------!!" And wee girl, you can never use words like that.