I attended Thomas's christening and his first birthday. I hung out with Elaine and her husband Zoran. They were warm and welcoming. They had been together since high school. They seemed so happy.
When I moved back to New Zealand, Elaine and I stayed in touch. Distance meant the friendship softened, but we shared each others milestones and enjoyed seeing our families grow.
Yesterday, I found out she had been murdered.
On Tuesday, her husband took her life in a senseless act of violence. He hid her body in the house and drove across Melbourne. He then rammed a car, hurting two strangers, in an attempt to kill himself.
Elaine's family looked for her on Tuesday. They called the police her found her body late Tuesday night.
On Wednesday I was enjoying a day off with Grace. I checked into Facebook and read the news.
Abuse is gradual. It starts small. So small that it becomes normal to the victim. They learn to live with it, to hide it, accept it. And then it escalates. Elaine had apparently recently left Zoran and he had moved out. And yet she was still not safe.
I like logic, I like things being fair. My brain can't make sense of this. I feel so sad and so naive that I thought this doesnt happen to my friends. But it can. And it has.
Rest in peace Elaine. I will remember your grace and warmth. I will remember you.