Skip to main content

45!

 Today I turn 45. Life is good, but my brain sometimes forgets that. I am finding my anxiety gets worse and worse as I get older and creates days when I truly can't get out of bed and then have to deal with the "hangover" effects for days and days afterwards. It is so hard battling this, it feels so awful and so overwhelming and impacts so many people around me.


I know I am strong and I will survive through it but when you are in the middle of an episode it feels like everything is crumbling and can not be rebuilt. So I break the day down into small pieces to make them manageable.  I try to control my racing brain and focus on what I know to be true; that I am loved, that I am safe and that I will get through this.


For now I will focus on trying to change my meds (which will be a hard journey) and staying focused on being positive. It will be okay.

Popular posts from this blog

Picture of an 11 year olds desk

Grace has her desk in the family room, mainly due to space in her room but also to help her not lock herself away. She just finished tidying it and I love how it represents where she is at. Lots of art, Lego still displayed proudly, pillow on chair covering her phone ( she is still adhering to the no phone in her room rule, yay!), pottery on display. A beautiful blend of child and teenager!
Read more

Everyone is growing up

 Turning 50 is a weird milestone - I dont feel 50, and I dont really put a lot of weight behind milestone numbers. But I do like reflecting on life, and I feel I have grown, learnt from many of my mistakes, and lived a pretty great life. The biggest change is watching just how much Grace has grown this year. Today I washed some of her baby clothes that I found so I can store them and it took me right back to when my whole clothes line had tiny little outfits on it. This year, she everything has changed and I am in so much grief for the loss of some of the old routines, it hurts!!  She is still my little button and I see that side of her when she is unsure or overwhelmed. I need to manage my patience through these growing phases, as my sister said "give her space and grace". She is the kindest, funniest and sweetest girl and I love her so much that it honestly hurts. I hope she knows that. She seems to have all my worst moments front of mind that I wonder at times if she sees ...
Read more

Updates

Spot Update: Day Three days since we found out Grace's best friend has chicken pox. So far, no spots on my cheurb.    Puppy Countdown Update: Dog sitting confirmed for 16th Sept to 10th Oct. How hard can it be?   Italian Student Update: One week left. I will miss his critic of my pasta cooking, but grateful my lasagna passed the "Italian test"  
Read more