Sunday contemplation

Today we had my boss, her family and their new puppy come visit. Truffle loved playing with a new friend and hes going to love having her stay for four days next weekend!

The only downside is Chad now wants another dog. Sigh.

Yesterday we went down to Pukekohe to celebrate Chad's nephews 12th birthday. It was a long day but nice to see everyone.

With all this socialising, I'm exhausted but trying to keep energised for Grace and Chad. My anxiety continues to follow me like a shadow. No logic seems to squash it and now that I'm changing my meds, it's going to be hard for the next few weeks.

I know I'm avoiding triggers, but it's not the solution. Right now it feels like I need to or I'll fall again, but I've got to face my fears or I'll end up isolating myself.

I'm reading books to help remind me how anxiety works from a medical perspective and using my tools to try and relax. I'm taking a low dose of my anti anxiety meds but as they are highly addictive, I need to manage this carefully.

I've got this, I know I do! Stay strong Catherine, people need you to be on form.

Picture of an 11 year olds desk

Grace has her desk in the family room, mainly due to space in her room but also to help her not lock herself away. She just finished tidying it and I love how it represents where she is at. Lots of art, Lego still displayed proudly, pillow on chair covering her phone ( she is still adhering to the no phone in her room rule, yay!), pottery on display. A beautiful blend of child and teenager!

Everyone is growing up

Turning 50 is a weird milestone - I dont feel 50, and I dont really put a lot of weight behind milestone numbers. But I do like reflecting on life, and I feel I have grown, learnt from many of my mistakes, and lived a pretty great life. The biggest change is watching just how much Grace has grown this year. Today I washed some of her baby clothes that I found so I can store them and it took me right back to when my whole clothes line had tiny little outfits on it. This year, she everything has changed and I am in so much grief for the loss of some of the old routines, it hurts!! She is still my little button and I see that side of her when she is unsure or overwhelmed. I need to manage my patience through these growing phases, as my sister said "give her space and grace". She is the kindest, funniest and sweetest girl and I love her so much that it honestly hurts. I hope she knows that. She seems to have all my worst moments front of mind that I wonder at times if she sees ...

Updates

Spot Update: Day Three days since we found out Grace's best friend has chicken pox. So far, no spots on my cheurb. Puppy Countdown Update: Dog sitting confirmed for 16th Sept to 10th Oct. How hard can it be? Italian Student Update: One week left. I will miss his critic of my pasta cooking, but grateful my lasagna passed the "Italian test"

A Work In Progress

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