Almost Christmas

I've always struggled with this time of year. These days it's all I can do to keep my anxiety on check and focus on the immediate things around me and not let my mind race.

Last night was bad but I survived. I need to focus on Grace and her joy.

Dropped off Tui at the cattery today and almost cried. She's so tiny now and I know I have to accept whatever the future holds. Chad keeps going on about getting another dog. I really dont want that. I'm just not a dog person. I'm not sure I want any new pets for a while but imagine I'll get out voted.

I just want this to go well. Chad gets so touchy round Lisa, he feels she judges him. Puts me on edge. Just want it to go smoothly and try to not rely too much on my anti anxiety attack meds. I'm trying to only have 1/4 a tablet a day max so I don't get reliant. But sometimes it's what I need to get by. I'll go back to the doctor next year to check in and hopefully the increased meds will be working by then.

I got this, I'm strong, I'm brave and I'm loved.

Picture of an 11 year olds desk

Grace has her desk in the family room, mainly due to space in her room but also to help her not lock herself away. She just finished tidying it and I love how it represents where she is at. Lots of art, Lego still displayed proudly, pillow on chair covering her phone ( she is still adhering to the no phone in her room rule, yay!), pottery on display. A beautiful blend of child and teenager!

Everyone is growing up

Turning 50 is a weird milestone - I dont feel 50, and I dont really put a lot of weight behind milestone numbers. But I do like reflecting on life, and I feel I have grown, learnt from many of my mistakes, and lived a pretty great life. The biggest change is watching just how much Grace has grown this year. Today I washed some of her baby clothes that I found so I can store them and it took me right back to when my whole clothes line had tiny little outfits on it. This year, she everything has changed and I am in so much grief for the loss of some of the old routines, it hurts!! She is still my little button and I see that side of her when she is unsure or overwhelmed. I need to manage my patience through these growing phases, as my sister said "give her space and grace". She is the kindest, funniest and sweetest girl and I love her so much that it honestly hurts. I hope she knows that. She seems to have all my worst moments front of mind that I wonder at times if she sees ...

Updates

Spot Update: Day Three days since we found out Grace's best friend has chicken pox. So far, no spots on my cheurb. Puppy Countdown Update: Dog sitting confirmed for 16th Sept to 10th Oct. How hard can it be? Italian Student Update: One week left. I will miss his critic of my pasta cooking, but grateful my lasagna passed the "Italian test"

A Work In Progress

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