New meds, phase two

Will start increasing my meds tomorrow. Dreading the side effects but I can't cope with current state. If this dose doesn't work, will change medication next year.

I just need to get through holiday without spiralling. I fear any conversations about the property, juggling Dad and Chad and their different views fills me with dread. I wish we could just sell, but the house needs so much work before we can do that if we are going to cover our costs. Might float with Chad to sell in a year so I can be less stressed, but balancing a sale and a purchase will be incredibly hard. Need to sell first and then buy I think.

I dont know what to do. But I know I need to not rush into a decision.

One day at a time.

Picture of an 11 year olds desk

Grace has her desk in the family room, mainly due to space in her room but also to help her not lock herself away. She just finished tidying it and I love how it represents where she is at. Lots of art, Lego still displayed proudly, pillow on chair covering her phone ( she is still adhering to the no phone in her room rule, yay!), pottery on display. A beautiful blend of child and teenager!

Everyone is growing up

Turning 50 is a weird milestone - I dont feel 50, and I dont really put a lot of weight behind milestone numbers. But I do like reflecting on life, and I feel I have grown, learnt from many of my mistakes, and lived a pretty great life. The biggest change is watching just how much Grace has grown this year. Today I washed some of her baby clothes that I found so I can store them and it took me right back to when my whole clothes line had tiny little outfits on it. This year, she everything has changed and I am in so much grief for the loss of some of the old routines, it hurts!! She is still my little button and I see that side of her when she is unsure or overwhelmed. I need to manage my patience through these growing phases, as my sister said "give her space and grace". She is the kindest, funniest and sweetest girl and I love her so much that it honestly hurts. I hope she knows that. She seems to have all my worst moments front of mind that I wonder at times if she sees ...

Updates

Spot Update: Day Three days since we found out Grace's best friend has chicken pox. So far, no spots on my cheurb. Puppy Countdown Update: Dog sitting confirmed for 16th Sept to 10th Oct. How hard can it be? Italian Student Update: One week left. I will miss his critic of my pasta cooking, but grateful my lasagna passed the "Italian test"

A Work In Progress

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