One step forward, two back

Last week two things happened, first one of my team is being seconded onto a project for four months. I was okay with that as I figured I could split her work across me and the others. Then another of my team member resigned.

So hard to feel okay - I am so tired and stressed and now have to cope being two people down at a time when the work is piling up. I can't work late or too much during the weekends as it isn't fair on the family, but I just feel so anxious all the time.

I know things will get better, I just need to manage my anxiety through these hard period. I just want to keep things calm and I know I'm avoiding anything beyond Chad and Grace but it;s all I have energy for.

It will pass, I am strong and I am loved.

Picture of an 11 year olds desk

Grace has her desk in the family room, mainly due to space in her room but also to help her not lock herself away. She just finished tidying it and I love how it represents where she is at. Lots of art, Lego still displayed proudly, pillow on chair covering her phone ( she is still adhering to the no phone in her room rule, yay!), pottery on display. A beautiful blend of child and teenager!

Everyone is growing up

Turning 50 is a weird milestone - I dont feel 50, and I dont really put a lot of weight behind milestone numbers. But I do like reflecting on life, and I feel I have grown, learnt from many of my mistakes, and lived a pretty great life. The biggest change is watching just how much Grace has grown this year. Today I washed some of her baby clothes that I found so I can store them and it took me right back to when my whole clothes line had tiny little outfits on it. This year, she everything has changed and I am in so much grief for the loss of some of the old routines, it hurts!! She is still my little button and I see that side of her when she is unsure or overwhelmed. I need to manage my patience through these growing phases, as my sister said "give her space and grace". She is the kindest, funniest and sweetest girl and I love her so much that it honestly hurts. I hope she knows that. She seems to have all my worst moments front of mind that I wonder at times if she sees ...

Updates

Spot Update: Day Three days since we found out Grace's best friend has chicken pox. So far, no spots on my cheurb. Puppy Countdown Update: Dog sitting confirmed for 16th Sept to 10th Oct. How hard can it be? Italian Student Update: One week left. I will miss his critic of my pasta cooking, but grateful my lasagna passed the "Italian test"

A Work In Progress

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