The last time I posted was in 2023. Grace was nine and still in primary school (year five!)
Fast forward and I have an eleven year old and year seven at Somerville Intermediate - wow!
Over the last two years, we have grappled with her ADHD diagnosis in 2024. It has honestly has been a blessing as it has helped to understand her better, although I think I always knew and wish I had sort out a diagnosis earlier. The process of going through an educational psychologist, then a psychiatrist, for the official diagnosis. Trying out medication and we have done some counselling, has helped us start to build skills as a family on how she sees the world. For me, as a Mum I am trying hard to understand what makes her fluffy (our term for when she feels anxious) and give her the tools to manage it.
In her last year of primary school (2024) I was pretty fraught with worry. We were still not managing drop-offs well and she went through a period of anxiety attacks at school, which meant she would hide in the toilets. In one case she hid for two hours and the school didn't notice - she had tried to message me on her watch but as we had turned off messaging in school hours she could only activate the "feelings" emojis and I didn't click that she was in real distress so didn't call her. I will always feel so bad for those two hours and that I wasn't there to support her. We set in place some frameworks with the school and ways she could reach me. Towards the end of the year I could see glimpses of my strong girl and how she was learning to manage her anxiety. I still felt so nervous with the move to intermediate and what might lie ahead but I needn't have been worried. From the first day, she walked into school by herself. She has been wonderful communicating when she is anxious and we work through the feelings. I am so proud of her and how she is managing this.
Learning remains a challenge, which is natural with ADHD. It's hard to focus on things you are not interested in, and combined with her dyscalculia, maths can feel like an impossible learning task. She works so hard but can get so frustrated and angry when things aren't clicking. It's hard as a parent to see past the anger and see it is coming from a place of embarrassment and fear. And as a hot-headed person myself it is hard to stay calm in those moments too.
But language remains our friend, and she and I work so hard to talk about how we feel even with the hard stuff. I hope I am doing a good job as a Mum. She is the most amazing person and I love her so dearly. Sometimes I am not at my best, and I worry about the harm I cause. I hope she holds close how much I care for her and want the best for her.
Grace is definitely a young eleven. She still wants cuddles, loves her soft toys, needs the light on to sleep, and wants me to get out of the car at drop off for a hug. She loves routine, certainty and the safety of our family. But I am also seeing her grow. Hearing her with her friends makes me smile. She walks into school independently, talks about how she feels, is finding her voice in social situations, and has an awesome sense of humor. I adore her. I love that we still talk in silly voices when we are alone, and the car rides to school are really special to me, where she calls Butterfly and we chat. I also love that when we kiss goodbye she takes the kiss off her lips and puts it in her heart. So sweet.
We have our arguments, and she can be so stubborn!! I do love that she has clear morals and boundaries and will push back. I don't want to dim that light, even though it is hard at times to manage! And I don't think we will ever have a meeting of the minds on what tidy means!! Her room and desk my archilies heel - they are chaotic! As someone who uses order to feel calm, we often clash over how to balance the way she wants have things and the way I want. I know I need to let go of these things and pick the big battles to fight, not these small ones.
On the pet front, we now have 4 cats and a dog. I found Gabby in Feb 2023 on the side of the road after Cyclone Gabrielle. Then a year later, Gabby went missing, and I was devastated. We searched everywhere, including getting a tip-off that someone had seen her across the other side of Howick. I spent days on that street calling her, ringing a bell to get her to come for treats, and finally setting a cat trap to get her (one person on the street shared their security footage, and we saw her). Then we got the call that the cat trap had worked, they had her!! Raced over, realised that something wasn't quite right but still in my optimism put the cat in the carrier to take home. However, when I got home, it was clear that it was not Gabby...and I had just stolen someone's cat!! I sheepishly returned the cat to its home and can only imagine the story it told its family.
I did laugh as my mum did the exact same thing with a dog she saw in a garden about 20 minutes from home that she swore was her neighbour's dog. She got the dog out of the garden and into her car, drove 20 minutes back home, only to realise the neighbour's dog was happy at its home!
So Gabby had been missing for 6 weeks and I was still so upset. Wonderful Chad decided to surprise me with two ginger kittens who we named Pickles and Biscuit. The house felt very full with three cats and a dog! And then Gabby came home!
The gingers are delightfully insane, climbing curtains as kittens (shredding them!!) and now catching birds and mice. They have wonderful personalities but this new supersized pet family comes with huge vet bills!!!
So winter is approaching and we are welcoming another student into our home, this time a boy from Italy. So far we have had three kids from Chili, one from Japan, one China, one form Thailand, one from Germany (the girl who hated us as we were boring and asked to be moved to a new family!!) and now Italy! After the German student our confidence was knocked a bit and we took a break. She was quite a princess and very active so our lifestyle probably didn't fit her expectations. The funny part was that she and her family came to see us in Dec before they officially moved her in in Feb 23 and over that time my engagement ring went missing. Chad swears she took it but I guess we will never know.
Work on the house goes in fits and starts, we are keeping on top of the garden and Chad did a great job on all the decks, but we have more to do and lots of ideas, but just not the budget to do them!!
Mum and Dad are approaching 80 this year. I know the next few years will be lots of change in our lives and that is scary. I am so grateful for all the time I have with them and how our relations has grown over the years. I feel so close to them both.
Going to try and post more to keep a record of life and it's twists and turns - it certainly is a beautiful journey.